When he said “my time” he did mean that he’d rescue us.

I just didn’t know what he meant.

But now I do.

To be pregnant and talented is to be pregnant and discounted, even if all the work up until that point adds up to a literal billion. To be a mom and have a career is to make tiny decisions every day about what’s best for almost every single person you encounter because of how you feel you’re perceived—less than a good mom, less than a good coworker, less than a caregiver, less than a success. I have no doubt Rihanna thought tirelessly about putting on the best show for y’all and taking the best care of her baby, for y’all to turn around and drag her hard work. Nah, we’re not going to have that.

If you haven’t heard, the housing market (for buyers) is pretty terrible. Particularly, for first-time middle-class buyers like ourselves, it seems impossible to find a house that meets our criteria. The story of the day is that you see a house you like on Zillow, you send it to your realtor, you go see it, by the time you get there it has 15 offers on it and when you go check to see how much it sold for it was $40,000 above asking. I keep telling people off in my head and asking them to PLEASE go look where you can afford and leave the houses I can afford for ME. T H A N K Y O U!

There are people who talk, and there are people who do. Aunt Phyllis DID! For the people she loved, she gave, worked, helped, created, cared, researched, went and fought - without second thought and without question. I’m blessed to be one of the people she loved. I’m blessed to have been reassured of that love through her dedicated action for me and my family. She did. ❤️

I’ve been forced to feel like Mary thrice in his season. First, through the anticipation of carrying a new child who’s unknown to you and the world with the potential for so much light and goodness, and feeling unworthy or unequipped to follow through on forming them. Second, the anxiety and fright of a lost (unhealthy, runaway, scared, disappointed) child, there’s no more paralyzing feeling than not knowing what’s going on with your kid. Third, when he came back to life and I remembered the promise of a child who God undoubtedly is with.

The two A-’s that resulted in my 3.94 rather than a 4.0 is a fail in my book. The fact that Honor didn’t start talking until after he turned two, although he now has over 70 words and a few 2 word phrases that he uses consistently - fail. The business that is thriving, despite my needing to do tremendously better with marketing - fail. All the times I don’t know all the answers at my brand spanking new job - fail.

By the time I was crawling toward graduation in 2015, the best friends I’d made and I looked around at the freshman and knew without a shadow of a doubt that if we had applied at the same time as them, we would have NEVER received acceptance letters. Northeastern, within a few short years, had made a NAME for itself.

I was feeling like the work I was doing was beneath me, beneath my experience, beneath my education; which, both, have always defined “me.” And on some (read: most) days that took away from my gratefulness that I had THREE (extremely manageable) jobs. The idea of more consumed me, and if I’m being real, still does.

So, when I feel like I'm losing it, and when I feel like I have not a clue what to do next, I do the only thing there is to do right now. I trust that God has got it all under control and I take the next client that walks into DryBar - White Plains.