Overcoming Perfectionism and Feeling Like A Complete Failure? This is For Us.
I sought therapy determined to unpack my need for perfection.
At the very same time, I’ve tried to write this single blog post three times. Stopping each time because it wasn’t “it.”
They say perfectionists are most often the same people (mostly women, primarily Black women) who struggle with imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is defined as “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success.”
The two A-’s that resulted in my 3.94 rather than a 4.0 is a fail in my book. The fact that Honor didn’t start talking until after he turned two, although he now has over 70 words and a few 2 word phrases that he uses consistently - fail. The business that is thriving, despite my needing to do tremendously better with marketing - fail. All the times I don’t know all the answers at my brand spanking new job - fail.
What’s stopped me from writing this post time and time again is that I don’t have all the answers.
I don’t take praise well. I also don’t take criticism well. I don’t often speak unless I know I’m right. I often have opinions that go unsaid because I’m nit-picky, and rather not be seen as the overly-judgmental Black woman in the room - even if I know I’m right.
I am my harshest critic.
If you’re reading this, you either love me (I love you too!) or you relate (I love you too, cause I feel you deeply).
If you relate, I’m sorry, but I’m here to tell you - I got nothing for you.
Like I did, the best I can offer is to tell you to just push through. Push through your doubts. Push through your insecurities. Push through the social media pressure. Push through your own unrealistic standards of success. Push through your fears of failure. Push through people’s opinions. Push through and just do it. Push through and finish the blog, Dom.
You’re not crazy.
You. Are. Not. Crazy.
You may actually be being overlooked. Maybe because of your age, your gender, your race, your education, or, the usual culprit - their pride.
That feeling of inadequacy is not solely internal, it’s systemic and it’s valid.
BUT, there are people waiting for your specific gifts. And you’ll only find them when you push through.
I have a burden and a gift for organizational strategy. I can easily identify problems within a business and its culture, and create solutions almost instantly. I get annoyed when people run things with great potential to the ground. I’m bothered by non-sense and wasted time and energy - especially when people’s lives are on the line (ie. in churches, schools, workplaces, and cities).
Since completing my degree, I’ve worked toward revamping my business to be more communications strategy and consulting oriented, drifting a bit away from brand building, design and social media. What’s holding me back is not a doubt of my talent, my expertise or my experience; it’s the people and organizations I’m staring in the face who desperately need my help but aren’t asking, or worse, refusing.
But, I’m learning, what’s for me is for me. And God WILL open the doors that He’s placed on its hinges.
Perfection has its place. That place is in the hands of God. It’s only my job to ask, listen and do what He’s called me to do with only who He’s called me to do it for.
I’m not an imposter, all things are possible.
I am not doubtful, I am discerning.
There is no fear, my faith is steady.
Inadequacy bows to my proven intelligence.
Perfection is a farce.
Do what you’ve been meaning to do. Do what you’re supposed to do. Do it for who you’ve been called to and silence the voices of everyone and everything else - even if that includes your own. Take your time, but not too much time - set a date. Do it with wisdom. Do it with counsel. Do it well.
The task of overcoming imposter syndrome is not easy, not smooth and certainly not fun. But, we’re in it together and what we have to offer the world is well worth the journey.
For I am confident of this very thing, that HE who began a good work in you will perfect it… Philippians 1:6 NASB
