Aunt Phyllis - Memories & Legacy
I process by writing. I’m steady writing this time, but not yet processing. Don’t know when or how or if I will - but until then, I will do what I can, and that’s write.
I often mention in my posts that I have a bad memory. But, when someone leaves, that’s all you have - memories.
Yesterday morning, as I cooked, I randomly burst into song, as I do. Yesterday morning, I chanted, “Red Robin - YUMMM!” My father, who heard my shout, said “Red Robin is disgusting,” to which I replied, “What about Arby’s?” He said Arby’s is good if you want a roast beef sandwich *pauses for thought* somewhere has good fried chicken….ah! Roy Rogers!” I said, “I only see Roy Rogers in…..,” “Rest stops,” he said, finishing my statement.
Then I remembered. I had Roy Rogers chicken once, sure enough, in a rest stop. Then I remembered! I was with Aunt Phyllis in that rest stop when she suggested said chicken. Then I remembered!!!
When I first found out that Honor had a mass on his lungs while he grew in my belly, I was slow to tell people. When I didn’t tell Aunt Phyllis and she found out through Phylicia, she called me. She called me with that tone of concern and appall. If you know her, you know the tone I’m talking about, the how dare I not tell her myself tone, but we’ll get back to that later tone because before she tells me off she wants to know I’m okay tone. That Phyllis Green tone.
I explained the situation and she asked what I needed. I told her, I didn’t need anything - just pray. She said, “I know that and I’m doing that, what else do you need?!”
At the time, I was being seen at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia every other week. Between my husband, parents and available friends, we’d ride down for the single hour appointment to check on the baby and ride back. That was part of the explanation of the situation and without me having the chance to say I didn’t need anything again, she told me she’d drive me to Philly anytime I needed to go - just tell her when.
No less than a few weeks later, I circled back and told Aunt Phyllis I needed a ride to my next appointment. She said “I got you!” And that she did!
I’m one of those people who can’t usually stay awake in a car, but while I was up, we talked and laughed - and I mean laughed, there and back! During the appointment, she admired the facility, claimed her role as my second mama, asked the doctors questions and was thrilled to see “Honoreeeee” on the screen.
There’s never been a time in my life that I haven’t known Aunt Phyllis to be there. Even with my bad memory, my brain is rushed with the times at her house we’d have to be in bed by 8 - on the weekend - the lights been off and we’d dare not turn them on, the times I’d have to be the shield between her and Ishi in her teens, the times where her and my mom would take turns as the “no” police, the times after we’d dance or sing and she’d exclaim her pride, the times she’d remind me that she’ll turn up for me, Wilder and Cheyenney, the time she made me promise to remember what mattered - friendship, her telling me she wanted locs like Kev’s - to which I replied each time “HOW?!”, our texts and looks laughing about any and everything going on around us, all my birthdays, boyfriends, sweet 16, prom, graduations, book launches, my wedding and certainly being right at the hospital after Honor was born.
There are people who talk, and there are people who do. Aunt Phyllis DID! For the people she loved, she gave, worked, helped, created, cared, researched, went and fought - without second thought and without question. I’m blessed to be one of the people she loved. I’m blessed to have been reassured of that love through her dedicated action for me and my family. She did. ❤️
Her love and care are reflected in the beautiful humans she created - Rene’e, Ishi and Ebbie. She didn’t neglect to say that she wanted another boy after Michael, but God gave her who she needed and who needed her - girls who cherished and challenged her in the same way she gave it to them, and as a result, she instilled her same most captivating soul in each of them. I don’t know how often Phyllis thought about her legacy, but boy did she leave one for the books.
I can’t believe she’s already left one. I can’t believe she’s already left us. But, because of her, we’re all better girls - more secure, honest, loyal and full of faith. She didn’t play about God, family or work. So, we’ll continue that work. We’ll never lose hope, each other or the will to serve. We’ll never lose our laugh. We’ll never lose our prayers. We’ll never lose our, “What else do you need?!” We’ll eat, we’ll party, we’ll remember!
Phyllis Green, I promise you, right after I see the face of Jesus, I’m coming to “knock you in your head!” In the meantime, I’ll keep writing because that’s what I can do now. I’ll keep honoring you because that’s what I can do now. I’ll keep praying for your family, my family, because that’s what I can certainly do now. For memories and legacy - thank you. I love you. And that’s now and forever.
