Twenty-One Lessons Learned from my Little Sister (on her 21st Birthday!)
I wouldn’t let SUCH a historic day pass without celebratorily memorializing it! My Chey is a whole 21 years old. Amazing grace! God has blessed me to learn so much from her in spite of our relatively wide age gap. Y’all know what Aaliyah said though, that’s layered, but it’s true in this case, right here, right now. Here are only some of the many incredible things I’ve learned from the baby with the face paint:
1. When I pray, God hears me.
I was 6 when Cheyenne was born. Two - three years past first asking specifically for a little sister. Two - three years past the time I’m sure my parents thought they were done. 🤣 I didn’t want a little brother, I didn’t want twins, I didn’t want nothing except one little sister. And when my parents said no, I went to a Higher Power, and GOD HAS THE FINAL SAY 😭😭. September 9th, 1999, shortly before 9:00 PM, here came Cheyenne Alexis!
2. You may need something from someone who’s needed something from you.
I spent many days of my teen years shooing Cheyenne out of my shirts, bags, dresses and room. I also spent many minutes whining to Ma about not wanting her to follow me around or come with me anywhere. Now, I find myself rummaging through her clothes and bags, trying to figure out what the young kids are doing and wearing. 😭 She’s also the first one I call to ride with me somewhere and take journeys that inevitably end up at McDonalds for some fish filets.
3. Determination makes for trustworthiness.
If Cheyenne says she’s going to do something she’s going to do it. Whether it’s being somewhere, studying something, achievements or pursuits, she’s going to execute. The first time I realized she was serious about her word was when she told me I waited too long to get my license and as soon as she turned 16 she would get hers, “so [she] could be OUT.” She started studying at 15, few days after turning 16 dragged my parents out the house to the DMV, got her junior license and called up the infamous HarveyHarv to teach her how to drive in Grandma’s car (the infamous never-scared rider). So even if you have a little doubt, you better turn it quickly into certainty, because she says what she means and means what she says, every time.
4. If you fail and they laugh, get the last laugh.
Chey hasn’t always been the best at school, but if you look around she’s the best in the game right now. A soon-to-be 2021 Bowie State graduate, reigning in 3.4 GPA stats and it’s only going up! Take THAT Ms. Lazo. 🤣
5. Almost anything can be turned into a joke.
In one of the latest of HILARIOUS Chey stories: She was attempting to go to school over the summer for an orientation leader orientation. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. As our Dad does, he was doing everything he could to handle it so she could get there safely. Wrong, wrong, more wrong. As they both have an attitude standing on a long AutoZone line in the dead of summer, in the dead of a pandemic, Chey looks down and says to Bryant Wilder, of all people, “At least your toes are cute.” 🤣🤣🤣 If no one else will lighten the mood, she will.
6. No boy is worth your sanity.
HONEY’S SELF-ESTEEM IS HIGH OKAY?! She don’t take no mess from no man. You got <1 time to try it and you’ll be known as “Who?” forever. I love the energy. Every young woman can learn from her no-nonsense attitude, past (pre-marriage) me included. I respect it.
7. Start traditions and keep them.
Every day after Christmas, Chey’s friends gather at my parents’ house in their jammies, bring food, bake goodies, exchange gifts, watch movies, film YouTube videos and cackle to their hearts content. It’s the cutest thing ever! They haven’t missed a year since high school regardless of parting for college, moving away and not speaking everyday! Subscribe to her YouTube channel NEOW!
8. Laugh loud, unapologetically - maybe this one is just genetic.
Okay. Maybe all the Wilder’s (and Middleton’s) laugh loud. I actually don’t know if Chey’s, mine, Ma’s or Kevin’s is the worst. But, if something is funny, Cheyenne is the first one SCREAMING. I mean deep throat scream like she’s never heard something funny before. I cosign - obviously. We must be sisters. 🤣
9. Take risks, even if uncalculated.
We took a few swimming lessons as kids, neither of us actually learned how to swim from them, but if we went near water anytime after, she was ready to d i v e. It’s not just with water, unlike me, she’s the roller coaster kid. She’ll also try new foods more willingly than me, except fruit (but I’ll get to that later). She ran into her first day of kindergarten, high school and college. If it looks like something she’d like, she’ll dive in head first and, more often than not, she’ll end up doing laps.
10. Be clear about your wants and needs. Express them.
Cheyenne has always known what she wanted and what she didn’t want. And with our mother queen of, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Chey took it and ran with it, with no guilt, no second thoughts, no questions. When she was about 6 or 7, our brother/uncle took her and a group of kids out to eat. She ordered a steak. He called our parents to ask if he should really get the girl the steak. “She knows what she wants,” they said. Y’all know she ate it right?! She’s been like this ever since, with anything. That school. That car. That bag. That bag. She wants it, she says it, she gets it.
11. You don’t have to want what you don’t want.
Chey doesn’t eat fruit. She never has. She won’t try it. She won’t make you peer pressure her into trying it. She says she’s allergic, I don’t think she is, but whatever. But fruit is a metaphor for all the things she doesn’t want to be bothered with, and won’t be. No means no. Period.
12. Keep your friends close and enemies far far away.
You don’t have to guess who Chey’s friends are, they’re nearby. You don’t have to guess who she doesn’t mess with, they’re far away. No where near her friends, no where near her friends friends. I like it better that way too, sis.
13. If it has you rolling, keep it rolling.
Sis is serious about the laughs. I mean, we know EVERY word to Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and every non-word from Pootie Tang, and if you happen to be at the Wilder house for any large gathering, one of us is BOUND to say “Let’s watch Ricky Bobby!” There’s no need to quit laughing, when you know where to get the laughs from. It’s never any less funny than it was the 38th time. The memes, videos and pictures in the stockpile of jokes is endless and I love it! You might not find either of us smiling often, but you can always find us laughing - loud.
14. Keep going, don’t look back.
Sometimes, I think I need to look back. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I made a mistake. Chiley don’t make no mistakes worth turning around for. Everything she needs is ahead of her. Full speed ahead. She’s going for it and I desire to keep my face forward and head way up like her, always.
15. Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.
If you know our Mom you know she’s LITERAL “STAY READY.” This is different. Chey stay ready ‘cause she’s always down. When I call her, she’s there! Always. <3
16. When it’s time, pop OUT.
Chey never goes out without the longest lashes, highest heels and fittest fit. She’s also unknowingly adopted the ridiculously long nails from big sis (Preston IYKYK). It doesn’t matter what Ma Wilder says about our sweats and leggings, when it counts, Chey makes it COUNT. She didn’t know it before now, but I’m taking notes.
17. Eat well.
Remember that steak story? She’s like that to this day and with anything fancy. She likes her turf with her surf, her treats with her eats and her smack with her mac. I don’t know if I learned to enjoy food more because of her or if she just helps put me on to all the new places to go to get the good eats. Either way, God is pleased.
18. Be good to your family, you’ll never know the memories you’ll make.
Cheyenne was Grandma and Aunt Sallie’s chauffeur. She (not always so) willingly went to pick them up and bring them wherever they wanted to go (which was only ever church and the supermarket). The memories she had the chance to rack up are irreplaceable. Nothing is like old people jokes and they’re always chock full of them.
19. When things get rough, it won’t matter later.
When I mentioned school, it was most specifically math. She struggled gracefully and never let it get her down. She bounced back like it was nothing, especially when she came home with a B in Statistics last year. #ProudPeriod. The same thing goes for life and drama, if it won’t matter in 5 years, don’t let it matter in 5 minutes.
20. Pretty girls cook.
When I decide to bake something (which is never), I know who to call. When I want to make a new pasta dish, I know who to call - particularly if I want to stuff a shell. When I need to stuff a chicken or find something completely new to do, I know who to call. She’ll hit me with the, “Try a lil emmmm ..this, yeah, that’ll be good.” And, it’ll be good!
21. My sister is my best friend.
BEST. Praying for a Chiley was the right move. I’m glad to have you. I’m blessed to be yours.
I hope you know today and always that you’re loved, you’re talented, you’re gorgeous and you’re the best there is in every way. Honi agrees too, of course.
