Sharing is Caring

Unless a man is permanently friendzoned and perfectly okay with that, it is a rare occurrence that a man introduces a woman to another man.

Humans have a tendency not to share. It starts in kindergarten and continues until death. We like to hold on to our favorite artists before they become main stage, the new but not poppin’ (yet) restaurant in town and certainly, our dearest friends.

So, when a man that I oh-so-suddenly found myself interested in began to introduce me to another man, of course, I was a little confused.

I will admit that some things are hard not to share. Some things like a great movie, a new baby, the bomb balayage that I finished two seconds ago, things like that. Things that you find passion in, but people can’t take from you, claim as their own or crowd up are usually the things we are most eager to share.

So, I couldn’t have been that confused. I was very aware of where his passions lied. I acknowledged his defensiveness in regards to this man when I had any inkling of denial. I accepted that this guy was a part of the fabric of his skin, lungs and heart, and if I was to unravel him, I had to first know His stitching.

He wasn’t something I could take from him.
He was someone we could claim equally without falter on either relationship.
He could never be crowded, his space is unending.

So, he shared to no end.

I was on my first real fast shortly after I met Kev. Just like most people don’t believe that my decision to move back to NY was completely apart from him, I’m sure most won’t believe that my choosing to for real fast was apart from him also, but both are true. For the first time in a long time, I had the mental capacity and heartfelt desire to dedicate my brain and soul to God, starting with 31 days, with a hope and prayer that it would continue.

In this time I learned more than I wanted to. I learned that I was much farther from God than I thought I was. I learned that the Bible was way more interesting than I imagined. I learned that God literally speaks. I learned that following Christ entailed more than I had ever learned before. I learned that I knew close to nothing and there was, almost too much, more to learn.

Luckily, I was beginning a journey with a man who knew much more than me. And God sent him for such a time as that. With the pure leading of God’s Spirit, Kevin introduced me to Jesus. The true and living Savior.

Here is my fear. That people (and of course, people’s opinions are always the beginning of our fears) would conjure up this idea that I had only started caring anything about the religion I claimed all my life when I started dating the preacher. But here’s the actual thing, if I didn’t start sincerely caring in the first place, I would have done what I had always did: run far FAR away from the preacher.

But not only did I actually care, I had questions. And more than questions, I had concerns. Concerns about how I had never known these things before. Concerns about why I had never heard these things before. Concerns about what kind of Christ, or lack thereof, I was actually “following.” And that’s a whole different post all in itself.

But, my fear still remains: what are people thinking when my blog went from The Lion King to hair to Jesus? Do they believe that my heart has turned toward a man and that the consequence of that is this sudden pursuit of God? Do they assume that the person I seem to be virtually cannot be the same person they had previously known in reality? Are they judging the validity of the words I write in comparison to the authenticity of the person they saw?

And these are the thoughts that have caused me to refrain from sharing.

Sharing what I know to be true of Christ and His saving power. Every time I write one of these blogs, I hesitate to post them knowing someone is going to think something. Knowing that it may come off zealous, proud, cocky, over-the-top. Knowing that it may rub many the wrong way - if they even read it. And then I remember, that with God’s grace, He opened my heart and allowed someone to share the truth with me, when I didn’t always think I needed it, when I didn’t always want to hear it and certainly when, I’m sure, he thought I would judge him for it.

To be a follower of Christ for real, compels you to share. So, sometimes, even when I don’t mean to, I have to talk about what He’s done and what He’s doing. I try not to apologize, but my brain always does anyway. So, while I never meant for this blog to be an opportunity to share with you a real version of Christianity, I think that’s what it’s becoming, and it scares me, but I like it.