When You're Speaking To 7th Graders, but You're Really Speaking To Yourself.

My 9th grade English teacher turned Dean of Students, Joseph DeBona, asked me to come back to Preston High School to speak at the annual Leadership Workshop opening ceremony for 7th grade girls. I was elated, and nervous as all heck! It took me two weeks to even develop an idea of what to say to these young, developing, overactive, pubescent WOMEN.

You have to impress them, but also teach them in a few short minutes; make your best effort to really leave a mark. That's a daunting task. Two nights before the day approached I formulated my idea! Once it was all on paper, I realized how helpful thoughts on leadership are for each of us as grown people. So, what I said was...

Good Morning Ladies,

Firstly, I would like to thank Mrs. Grendel, Mr. DeBona and Mrs. Fragale, for the invitation and opportunity to be back home.

My name is Dominique Wilder, I am a proud 2011 alumna of Preston High School and 2015 alumna of Northeastern University in Boston where I studied management, marketing and psychology. I am a Brand Marketing Coordinator at a salon and spa in Boston, I am a freelance hairstylist and I am the author of The Words I Didn’t Listen To.

I am a woman, I am only selectively-social, I am risk-averse, I don’t do well with failure, I hate public speaking, I would rather never negotiate and sometimes I’m sporadic and grossly informal – but somehow someone considers me a leader.

When you Google the word “leadership” – leadership quotes, leadership qualities, leadership skills, leadership characteristics, leadership definition etc. etc. etc. all come up. Throwing you the same things over and over about how a leader takes control, is always confident and fearless, has a clear vision and never wavers and can persuade anyone to do anything – OH and they’re usually a man.

What Google does not tell you, what no one really ever tells you, what they probably won’t tell you today and what no leadership seminar and workshop you ever take from now until foreverdom will tell you is that leadership is about TWO THINGS.

(1)           Service
(2)           Decision Making

Let’s throw leadership out the window; let’s talk about life – because YOU are the leader of your life. So if you never manage a single individual or never tell a soul what to do, remember that your life is about TWO THINGS.

(1)           Service
(2)           Decision Making

Leadership is the art of service. It is the constant thoughts and worry about every individual that you feel or actually are responsible for. It is putting your needs aside for the needs of those around you, those that respect you and those that look to you for help and guidance. It is about giving and giving and giving and giving.

You were put on this Earth to make someone else’s life better. You were put here to encourage the girl next to you. You were put here to inspire someone to make a better life for him or herself.  Leadership and life are about giving of yourself to someone and for something. Your service may not ever be to people directly, but it may be to a cause and you will dedicate your life to that cause – so you are solely responsible for giving your ALL in service to make whatever you do as great as it can be.

You may never exhibit a single quality that Google says a leader should be – LEADERSHIP IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Your life is not about you – it is about what you can and what you WILL do for someone else.

Service.

You each are in 7th grade. Some of you know exactly what you want to do with your life and some of you have no clue. Some of you will go full force at your plans and some of you will change your mind 1000 times.

When I entered Preston – I wanted to be a doctor, in my senior year (after applying to colleges as a neuroscience major), I decided I wanted to own a salon, just a couple months ago I decided I wanted to be an author.

It’s not about how many times you change your plan, it’s about the effort you put into every single plan you make. But it’s MUCH MORE about the itty bitty tiny decisions that you make every single day, hour, minute and second of your life. Leadership and life are about setting a goal and making sure that each and every one of your actions are in line with that goal.

You don’t have much control of the characteristics you were born with, but you have FULL control over your actions. Let your actions speak for the leader inside of you.

Be kind.
Be compassionate.
Be of service.
Make deliberate, intentional, good decisions every day.
Reflect on your decisions and love your decisions – big or small, they will take you farther than you can ever imagine.

In order to fully be of service to someone or something else and truly make the best decisions possible for yourself and others on a daily basis, you have to love yourself first. Despite what the world tells you, despite what your friends tell you, despite what that stupid boy tells you, despite what you tell yourself – you are already a PHENOMENAL WOMAN, with a gorgeous face, a loving heart and a charming soul, ready to take on the world.

Because you are a woman, you are already a leader – you are the bearer of life, you are the treasure of the world and you are strength unimagined.

In my book, I make the woman reading take vows to herself to remind her of how absolutely stunning she is in every way and how she will forever be. We’re going to do that here today.

Repeat after me:

Today, I take me.
All of me, to love.
Through each of my changes, through each of my wrongs, through each of my imperfections.
I will everyday seek to find more of myself to love.
I will love me at the top of my mountains and bottom of my valleys.
The love I have for myself will never be contingent on anyone else’s words, emotions or actions. My love will be a representation of the honor, value and worth I have for myself.
My love will be unwavering for better, for worse
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
Until death
And this is my solemn vow.

Now, love, serve, decide and lead.

Thank you.