Honor: The Boy
*13 weeks pregnant*
Do you want to find out on the phone or at your next appointment?
TELL ME NOW! ...Please.
What do you think?
I’m not sure, family and friends think it’s absolutely a girl. I don’t have solid idea, but when I write (I’m keeping a journal to give to him/her when they’re older) it feels like I’m writing to a boy.
It’s a ...BOY!
OH, YAAAYYYY!
*texts Kevin that I know* *runs to Party City after work to get a gender reveal balloon bag* *waits ANXIOUSLY for Kev to get home* *opens door* *excitementtttt* *turns on video* *opens bag sloooowly*
It’s a...? *can’t determine color of balloons from inside bag* It’s a..girl?! *takes single blue balloon out of bag* It’s a boy! IT’S A BOY!!!!
We didn’t care what our baby was. Neither of us were desperately rooting for one gender or the other. Just like I always imagined my wedding, I always imagined getting pregnant and reaaaalllllyyyyy wanting a girl. When the time came, just like all I wanted was to be married to my perfect guy, again, as cliche as it is, it’s true, all I wanted was a perfect, healthy baby.
This post comes at an interesting time in society, it has no choice. It’s where we are, a time where rights are being rewritten and what we’re calling constructs are being redefined. This post comes not to offend, change anyone’s beliefs and certainly not to condemn. I am, not so simply, publicizing my prayer for my child, and children, and affirming my beliefs.
Honor will be raised as a boy. We will shop in the boys clothes section for him. We will take him to sporting events. We will encourage superhero and toy car games. We will discourage femininity through turning him away from princess play and interest in mommy’s makeup and heels.
We’ll also raise him to know how to cook and clean. We’ll make him aware that he can be an engineer or a poet. We will engage his sensitivities, his emotions and stir compassion in his heart. We will teach him that women are his equal, but they are not. the. same.
We will teach Honor that his gender was not and will never be his choice. This lesson will come through the many thorough discussions about God and our belief, that we pray he adopts, that He doesn’t make mistakes. We’ll show Honor through stories past and present, even his own, that what God creates, He creates with a purpose and what God intends, He also sustains.
There are two things I know for sure my beliefs can come across as stating. The first is that I’m transphobic and the second is that I ignore how gender stereotypes have historically disenfranchised women. Neither of those things are true. I believe the transgender, and gender fluid, communities deserve gentle care and respect, they are people. My disagreement with their ideology does not equate to hate, but only to the grace that Christ gave me to extend. Secondly, I certainly believe women can be anything and everything they’re determined to be. As a woman who hasn’t always been the most stereotypically “gendered” based on the toys I’ve sometimes chosen to play with and clothes I’ve sometimes decided to wear, I understand the limits put on women and can get behind the march to demolish the limits.
However, general gender stereotypes are different from gender itself. And to me, the bottom line is, XX is female and XY is male, and that alone comes with biological differences, preferences and inclinations. There are things that makes men men and things that make women women and it was God’s good idea to make them this way.
Recently, circling social media have been articles and videos about Proctor and Gamble removing the female sign from Tampax feminine hygiene products, Alicia Keys’ rant about her son’s nail polish, a pregnancy advocate in trouble for saying that only women give birth and numerous couples raising gender neutral babies. In a world that will throw these themes and ideas at Honor, I want him to be confident about his penis without being chauvinistic. When he’s made a firm decision, I want it to be made aware without overt aggressiveness. When he has the knowledge and strength to be courageous, I pray it’s never a defense to uncovered cowardice. And as he’s growing to be a provider, protector and leader it’s never at the expense of making a woman feel less than. My deep hope is that he appreciates women for what they provide that he never could and will love to be appreciated by them for the same; that very early he will value the differences and embrace them.
My parents never shied away when I gained a deep affinity toward Hot Wheels. They never freaked out when I would rather wear sweatpants and never found interest in foundation and eyeliner. There was, although, many glimmers of a healthy balance, where I also always wanted a new Easy Bake oven (not that it ever paid off🤣) and developed a love for cutting off dolls hair and wearing the best press on nails (that on the other hand paid off in leaps and bounds❤️). I hope that Kevin and I do the same for Honor and all of our children, that where we see leanings toward gendered toys and interests outside of what we would prefer, we never freak out. I advise myself and all parents with my same leanings to learn their children first, see if this is a one off event or if it becomes habitual. And further, if it does, learn skills to redirect them to using their toys and interests to reflect their sex. If Honor wants a Barbie, I’d ask why, his answers could range between liking her hair, liking her clothes, liking her career options and each of those answers would incite a different response. I could then redirect to a male doll with hair, or a Barbie with fake razors, a Ken doll with varying clothing options and simply letting him explore women in whatever career he wants his Barbie in, explaining in every case what our toy buying choice means for his playtime, his gender and ultimately, his beliefs.
This is about more than telling my son he can’t wear skirts or get his nails done, but toes are ok. More than telling my son that rather than watching Frozen, I’d rather him watch Aladdin, but Mulan is ok. More than telling my son that he should choose a basketball game over the ballet, but Broadway is fine. More than telling my son he has to be direct, action-oriented and logical, although those things don’t have to come without tears sometimes…
I want my son to be encouraged early to know the complementary qualities of man and woman, as God shows us Himself through them. Not that we’re different because God said so, but that we’re different because God is so; He made us in His image as a reflection of His whole self. Men are reflected in his strength and justice and women in his beauty and nurturing guidance. Men and women both equally show us God’s character; men, His independence and women, His forgiveness, men, His protectiveness and women, His patience. It’s not clear cut because God is not clear cut. Not every man will be masculine in the same way as the next man and not every woman will be feminine in the same way as the next woman, but that doesn’t change the truth and purpose of our differences from birth and even better, it doesn’t change God. This isn’t about telling my son to believe what I believe because I believe it. This is all about teaching my son the truth that God is his Creator, that God is good in all creation and that God is right in how He created Him.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12:2
